I Hate Cows free essay sample

I hate cows. I had a dream once. A largeplastic cow with huge, benevolent eyes the cheesy squared-off figure of achilds toy with a tail that didnt move, turned silhouette by the setting sun -stood drinking from a wooden trough full of scarabs. They skittered and crawledall over each other, dripping from her loose, plastic lips. She blinked at me.There was something sinister and macabre about the whole thing. Even jerkingawake couldnt erase the picture of horror from my mind. Cows are nastyanimals, let me tell you. No, they are nothing like the sleek male creatures thatwhirl so powerfully through the red cloth bravely held by the ridiculouslyfestooned and rakishly mustached Spaniards. They stink, for one thing. Oh,boy, do they stink. Its that manure-plus-hay smell that gets all over yourclothes and wont ever come out. I abhor that smell. It turns my guts likenothing else, and makes me want to burn any clothes, favorite t-shirt or no, thatcarry even its slightest hint. We will write a custom essay sample on I Hate Cows or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page And let me tell you something else: milkwill never taste the same after youve spent substantial amounts of time aroundthe bovines it comes from. Every time I pick up a glass, its likePepe le Pew walked by: I can almost see the smell floating past mynose in wavy green lines. Its unnerving the way they look at you, likethey cant quite figure out how you got there and dont know what to make of you,since you dont smell like food. The damn cow just wants to be milked. Butyou know what I hate most about cows? They grow on you. When theold ones arent giving enough milk or birthing enough calves, youve got to dosomething with them. And then you realize that cows been around longer than youhave and you remember all the times she snuffled at your skirt and made you smileor laugh at her innocent, pushy displays of unquestioning affection. Butwhat do the memories change? Youve still got to do something with her, causeprofit is the name of the game, and you havent got a choice but toplay. Hack her up, put a meat hook in her backside and tan her hide intosomebodys purse. You see that leather jacket? Its got that little tag with thegold Genuine Leather written on it. Do you know the cow it came from?Perhaps. And isnt it nice to know that her hide is so sought after. Posthumousappreciation is the best kind.